Selfish Intentions
Most of our behaviour is out of selfishness and it is not a bad thing
This article covers a topic I have been thinking about for a long time — almost a year. It is also my first article that dives into this area which I am no expert in. Quite the opposite.
But I am keen to share my thinking because writing is a way for me to gain clarity. And I would love to hear from folks that have more experience on this topic and hear their thoughts.
Let us go straight to my hypothesis:
Most of our conscious, intentional behaviour is based on selfish reasons.
Now, before you write angry comments and violently disagree, hear me out. Because selfish behaviour is not inherently bad.
First, let me back up a bit and share some context.
Our behaviours and thoughts are driven by a lot of factors. There is the conscious and unconscious, level 1 and level 2 thinking, and of course our emotions.
They all play a part in how we show up. What I want to focus on in this article is the conscious, rational, and intentional aspect of our behaviour. Which — let us be honest — is not much. But it is what we are aware of and the part we can influence.
The other aspect that inspired my thinking is a classic from the biology literature: The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins.
Despite the principle of ‘survival of the fittest’ the ultimate criterion which determines whether a gene [G] will spread is not whether the behavior is to the benefit of the behaver, but whether it is to the benefit of the gene [G].
In essence, genes — the stuff we are all made of — are selfish in the sense that they are primarily concerned about their survival.
The difference between genes and more complex individuals (like humans and other animals) is a layer of intent and consciousness. In theory, we do not have to be selfish.
But we are.
Most of our intentions are selfish. When it comes down to it, we care about two things: being happy and being fulfilled.
- Happiness. We want to feel happy. Sometimes we do not know what it means to be happy, but we are craving that feeling. So we do things that we hope will bring us happiness.
- Fulfilment. We want to be fulfilled. We aim to align with our values and therefore model our behaviour around it.
All we want is to be happy and fulfilled. Selfish bastards!
But here is the twist: Just because our intentions are selfish, does not mean we are only benefitting ourselves.
- We are happy when our children get good grades.
- We live up to our values if we stand up for someone marginalised because we care about equality and fairness.
- We are content if our partner is happy.
- If we value health, we feel fulfilled if we encourage someone else to work out.
- We feel good when we donate money to a charity.
At times we do not enjoy doing some of these things. Heck, sometimes we are even scared. But we do them anyways. To feel happy and fulfilled.
Intentions: Selfish. Outcome: Selflessness.
So we are not bastards after all. At least not all the time. And especially not if our values and beliefs are altruistic.
Often we are trying to behave more selfless. Which, by itself, is very hard to do. But focusing on our values and adjusting our beliefs is possible. And our behaviour will follow.
